I have said many times that I’m just happy that the kids weren’t small when Ann died.
I have told Erin, Meredith and Andrew that Ann gave them all they need to be happy.
All this is easy for me to say. I still have my mother. And my father.In the 10 months since Ann died, each member of my family has had stuff enter their lives that sure would have been easier to get through had Ann been here.
People often compliment me on being both a father and a mother to my children. How I wish that was possible. I suppose I am a decent enough father, but I am a lousy mother. I am a decent enough problem solver, but I am a lousy listener. I only know this by comparison. I only know this because I’ve passed through our bedroom on the way to the bathroom and heard snippets of endless telephone conversations Ann had with our children. I’ve heard stories (which I cherish) of things that happened between Ann and our children of which I was a spectator at best. Yes, there are unique father-child moments too. And family moments. But I am convinced that only a mother can be a mother. What my children lost cannot be replaced. Yes, memories live. Yes, there is a spiritual connection that will sustain them. But I have no idea how to replicate here on this earth, here on this day, what Ann was able to be for them. I have no idea how she was able to make strawberry shortcake taste that damn good. Or a million other things.
The photo is of Erin during our Mothers Day visit to Ann’s grave. The bloom is from the Rhododendron Ann planted in our front yard. Happy Mothers Day. And much agape.
Randy,
What a wonderful post and a wonderful father that I know you are! As much as I know what a wonderful mother Ann is, was and always will be for it shows so brightly in the inner and outer beauty of your three wonderful children!
Much agape,
Debbie
Wow, never realized how much Erin looks like her mom.
Randy, don’t sell your self short. You are a rock in their lives, and I know that you will do whatever to care for and meet their needs.
Thanks for continuing to share your thoughts with us.
Randy, you are right in that no one can take the place of one’s Mother — but the love of one’s Dad is irreplaceable also. Having lost my Dad first, I can remember saying a million times I wish He was still with us so I could ask him something — He always had the answer for any issue or problem I encountered. I can remember my Mom saying how I can figure out what my Dad’s response would be to me for He had tought me well. And She was right — I did know what He would say to me. Now that my Mom is in Heaven with my Dad and my Brother and other dear family members, I can still feel them with me. Ann was a very special person — and I know how much you, Erin, Mereidth and Andrew miss her. You and Ann together shaped their lives — and they are great kids. It is horrible to lose a parent — but they do truly live on with you for the rest of your life. I continue to pray for you and the kids for peace and comfort.
Mom is irreplaceable and there is no denying that. Moms fill a special role and this particular mom was something special. But, like Susan said, dad is definitely selling himself short. I can’t speak for my brother and sister but I know that I’ve asked him to fill that role when I needed it, and he’s stepped up to the plate like it was the most natural thing in the world. Of course it isn’t natural, but it’s a gift mom left with us. Because of her example, we know how to love and take care of each other. Like dad told her when we were all together to hear the news that her cancer had spread, mom was the best thing that ever happened to any of us. She was a constant force in each of our lives — loving us perfectly, and unconditionally and always showing it in a way that was unquestionable. Even though she’s gone, everything she taught us and exemplified is still with us. Dad makes that clear when he steps into that much needed role to remind me that I still have that constant, unconditionally loving force wrapped around me.